There are many theories about why men hire escorts. They range from the "relief of unbearable urges" all the way through loneliness or sexual neglect at home and on over to kinky desires. Whatever the rationale, men do hire escorts and for the escort, the why is not the most important part of this business equation. She is more interested in translating this into things she can do to make sure men visit her in particular.

Examining the advertising, websites and other marketing material of higher-end escorts and courtesans, two facts seem ubiquitous. First, while many of the women are indeed beautiful, it is their femininity which they are really marketing. Secondly, the main selling point is rarely sex per se but rather the "experience". These girls charge exorbitant fees and are successful because they have gone beyond the basics and are actually catering to what men really want.

What are men missing?

Marketers talk about pain points: the annoyances, irritations and absences which prompt people to buy a product to solve a problem or fill a need. In every marketing discussion, identifying the source of the perceived problem is a key step to arriving at a selling solution.

Take a stroll down to your local mall. Look around for: i) pretty women, ii) stylish women, iii) feminine women. There are loads of pretty women. Physical beauty is not particularly rare. Certainly not so rare that a pretty girl is going to be outside the typical man's daily experience.

Now look for stylish women. And yes, there is and should be differing views as to what constitutes style. However, as the wonderfully named Supreme Court of the United Stated Justice Potter Stewart said about pornography, "I can't define it but I know it when I see it." Style is not about fashion exactly. A girl can have a lot of style and not own a single designer piece. In a very real sense, style is a personal statement a woman presents to the world. For some girls that is all blending in; for others it is about standing out; but for the stylish it is about expressing themselves with elegance and confidence, and most of all, authenticity. They are comfortable in their own skin and their style doesn't change with the fickle winds of fashion. They know what they like; what looks good on them; and although they may play and experiment with fashion, they rarely deviate from their signature style. They dress to please themselves not to impress others. To a degree style is also about things like makeup, a great haircut, beautiful fabrics, but these outer embellishments only serve as a reflection of a high degree of self-possession. Designer labels are nice but not necessary: a girl with style can make a few carefully chosen items from a thrift store look stunning.

The notable thing about style is that it is an attitude more than a particular look. And it can't be encapsulated in a formula either. Style can embrace many looks such as classic, feminine, eclectic to name but a few. All share a common sensibility, a sense of completeness, of self containment, they walk with their head held high, they command attention and admiration. Think of iconic women such as Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy. They didn't follow trends; they set them.

In the modern world women work, they have to jostle in crowds, they need mobility and, sadly, in many cases they need to dress and behave defensively in a rather hostile urban environment. As a style option, skinny jeans and a killer black leather jacket may make a lot more sense than a pretty dress or a tight pencil skirt and heels.

So, as a final checkpoint on your stroll, look for women whose style leans towards the feminine: women who embrace a softer, perhaps even a romantic style. Try doing a "dress", as opposed to pants, count. Sadly, it seems you can go days without seeing a single woman in a dress.

With your research at the mall complete, turn your attention back to the luxe escorts. It is a startling compare and contrast. Yes, it is reality versus fantasy, but it is also a wonderfully feminine, slightly old-fashioned, take on the sensual modern world. And it is a perspective that men are buying into. But why?

These escorts emphasize their feminine side, and are not afraid to be womanly in dress, manners, and approach to life. As such, they offer men a welcome relief from the harsh glare of the ordinary. From pretty lingerie to perfect sheets to flowers on the coffee table, these women are creating a deeply welcoming oasis from the stress and pressure of men's every day lives. Most of all, they are offering the great gift of their femininity. Everything about them, everything about their presentation of their services, speaks to an embodiment of the luxurious, the delicate, the pretty and the elegant. A lost world of pleasure and sensuality.

Which leads me to my theory: for an escort to do well, to have the generous clients she wants, to have the income and the security she needs, she should cultivate her femininity.

Kaitlan

I wanted to see if my theory is borne out in practice and got in touch with Kaitlan who is a twenty-seven year old escort in the Pacific Northwest.

"I began escorting through an agency nearly four years ago. After about a year with the agency I decided to see clients independently. I saved a bit of money and I found a wonderful old two-bedroom apartment above a store near, but not in, downtown."

"I still booked on a couple of days a week doing outcalls with the agency but the rest of the time I was seeing my own clients. I advertised in the usual places, Backpage and a couple of local review sites. I was doing fine, but not great. In my city there is a lot of competition at the service-provider level so rates were not fantastic."

"Strangely enough, the reason I was escorting in the first place was to pay for a bunch of interior design classes. I really liked to decorate and was forever trying out new things in my apartment. I was doing several in-calls a week and I liked to have the place looking nice. And I was happily making enough to buy glorious furnishings!"

"I wanted to get a new set of photos done because the old ones had been done by the agency's photographer and they looked like, well, like every other agency escort. I wanted something unique and I wanted to show off my space a bit. So I got everything set up just so and then, the day of the shoot, realized I hadn't really thought too much about what I was going to look like."

"Never schedule a photo shoot early in the day. But I had and so I had to frantically run around organizing lingerie and a little outfit I thought might work for the camera. Now, the truth is I am a very girly girl and left to myself I wear really simple, knit dresses or full skirts and layered tops. I wasn't ready when the photographer showed up and I didn't want to delay the shoot because he was doing it on a time for pictures basis. So I fluffed up my hair, put on lots of mascara and lipstick and he started shooting."

"It was all a bit of a shamozzle with my lingerie all over the place and me trying to look seductive on my designer love seat wearing a silly low-cut evening dress. The good news was that I adore lingerie and am a fanatic about buying it, so I was wearing some gorgeous white lace panties and a balconette bra on under my gown. So we ditched the dress and shot the lingerie instead."

"The photographs turned out absolutely amazing. My apartment looked fabulous, my swish new love seat looked elegant and modern at the same time. But what really surprised me, especially considering the chaos of the shoot, was the sense of calm that came through. I looked like a decadent rich hieress languishing about in her boudoir having just nonchalantly tossed off her evening gown."

"Although I loved the pictures, I knew it wouldn't fit the escort profile which I had already established with the agency and with my own posts. But thinking about it, I realized that this was a chance to do something different. I decided to change my image."

"I changed my name to Kaitlan in my advertising and I wrote a couple of new posts. They were a real departure from what I had done before. Since I looked so sophisticated in the pictures, I decided to go after a more affluent market and increase my rates substantially. The posts were all about "pampering", "relaxing", and "pleasure". I mentioned my loft rather than my breasts. One of the posts was completely non-escorty:

Join me

Take some time from your busy life to visit an elegant woman. A pause for discerning, discreet, gentlemen. Luxurious surroundings, intriguing conversation and ultimate relaxation… want to hear more? Call Kaitlan.

"The post had one picture. That was it."

"I put that post up and, frankly, wondered if anyone would call. I shouldn't have worried. Not that my phone was ringing off the hook, but it was the most calls I'd ever gotten from a post. And here was the important part, almost all the men who called, booked. And they didn't question my fees which were almost twice as much as I'd been charging before, and they didn't object to the fact I told them our encounter would be for a minimum of an hour and a half."

"For my dates I dressed in ultra-feminine outfits (skirts, dresses, pretty shoes) and ab-fab lingerie (garters, stockings, sometimes even a corset). I was almost never entirely naked. We'd sip wine, have a few canapés and I would, in a very femme fatale way, make it seem as if taking them to bed was entirely my idea."

"Quite quickly, in literally a matter of weeks, I had enough independent business that I dropped my agency. I did two, or at most, three dates a day and fairly quickly began to develop a wonderful set of regulars. I kept my post up and had a new website built but my business was becoming about seeing particular men once or twice a month."

"Over the next few months, if anything, I pushed the feminine even harder. For instance, for late night dates I would greet my clients in a wonderful two piece, floor length pale pink and grey peignoir set. The night dress was, as the expression goes, diaphanous but not quite transparent and there were froths of white lace at the collar and at the hem. The over robe was almost, but not quite as sheer and, if done up, all was concealed. A little pair of bedroom mules with the full on marabou feathers and a two inch kitten heel and I was the very picture of a slightly naughty girl on her way to bed. My clients loved it. I had to buy several which was fun. I'd haunt the vintage stores and get knowing glances from the salesgirls who often kept the prettier things for me."

"Of course, when a gentleman became a regular, I would spend a little time asking him what he enjoyed so much that he kept coming back. I wasn't fishing for compliments…but I was curious."

"Three things came up.  First, they loved the fact I was a lady. They loved the clothes, the sense of style, the fact I didn't talk dirty. Second, the apartment kept them coming back. Those sheets, the really nice, thick, towels, and, yes, the flowers and the candles. And they noticed how tidy I kept the place. But the thing which came up over and over, was how I was a sort of old-fashioned girl. Buttons and bows. Feminine. Which I'm not so sure about but I get it."

My older clients remember a very different time where there were sort of rules about how girls dressed and behaved.  They missed that. I suppose when you are old you remember things a bit differently and there was often a wistfulness to our encounters. Not sad exactly, more nostalgic."

"But what is really fascinating is my younger clients who tell me how completely relaxing it is to be with a woman who is not competing with them. I hadn't really thought about that when I made the changes but I think they're right. Girls my age see guys as totally their equals. Which is great but it is not much fun for guys who need a bit of downtime. I let them take it easy. I take care of them. Their needs come first."

"I make it really easy for a fast track guy to enjoy my company without having to prove a thing. How I dress, how my apartment looks, even how I talk to him let's him let down his guard. My regulars are always surprised when I make sure I am wearing something they haven't seen before. They don't realize that this was what women used to do as a matter of course."

"In a lot of ways I take both my older and my younger clients to a different world. The older gentlemen recognize it, the younger have no idea but a great time. It's somewhere that it is ok for them to be men and important to me to be as feminine as I can. Which is fine because it is very close to how I actually like to live."

Listening to Kaitlan I realized that this was an insight that some, by no means all, escorts might be able to use if they want to get beyond the basics. Kaitlan's clients were coming to see her to escape a world where the feminine has been, somehow, devalued or even lost.

Again, looking at the really high end girls what they are offering is much more than the proverbial roll in the sheets. They are offering an experience of pure luxury, a place where a man will feel like a king.

Without really intending to, Kaitlan touched a profound need men have in a modern, egalitarian, world: the need to reach back to a gentler time and enjoy the company of a woman who simply enjoys her femininity. For every potential client who wants a pornified experience with a dash of sexual gymnastics, there are plenty of other potential clients who would like a break from that culture and that world.

Taking an escort business beyond the basics means adding value which is not, necessarily, about more sex. Rather it is about bringing the lost arts of the feminine to the business. While there is certainly money to be made in half hour blow and go dates that end of the market is crowded, competitive and more than a little unpleasant. By offering a deeper, more pleasing experience, an escort can build her business, increase her rates and end up much further ahead.

So, in the end, what are men missing? It is trite to say "A woman's touch" but it is also accurate. Once a girl decides to leave the commodity end of the business she has the opportunity to offer her clientele a profoundly feminine, deeply erotic experience. There will be clients who don't get it, but there will also be clients who can't get enough.